It’s a smaller world than ever but it’s no easier to understand, I can tell you that. In the old days, you took one look at a thing and you knew how it worked. Maybe you couldn’t make it yourself, but you understood how it was made. Remember the ice box? The name said it all: "Ice box." A box, you put in a piece of ice. A guy came around and put the ice in and bingo, you had an ice box. It kept the food cold until the ice melted, then you got another piece of ice from the ice man. If you called the ice man and said “Ike, my food is going, I need another piece of ice,” he was delighted: a customer! “I’ll be right there Mrs. Goldberg!” He came, he put the ice in and finished.

You know what? You didn’t even have to call. You couldn’t call because Ike the ice man didn’t have a cell phone on the wagon. So, he just showed up! A miracle! He actually knew to show up because he knew if you were using an ice box you were gonna need ice! That’s what they now call “support.” Now, can you imagine if, God forbid, Microsoft was in the business of selling ice for ice boxes? You would call up and:

FIRST TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Hello, this is MicrosoftIce Support. My name is Ian. Are you a subscriber to Ice Support?

CYBERYENTA
What subscriber? My ice is gone! My food is going bad!

FIRST TECH SUPPORT PERSON
I'll be glad to help you, Ma’am. The cost is only two hundred forty-five dollars per incident.

CYBERYENTA
Two hundred forty-five dollars for a piece of ice? That's some piece of ice!

FIRST TECH SUPPORT PERSON
No ma'am. That's per incident.

CYBERYENTA
Now I'm having an incident? Listen mister, you're gonna have an incident if my pot roast spoils.

FIRST TECH SUPPORT PERSON
An incident means that if you need to call back gain for this same problem, you won't get charged.

CYBERYENTA
Why would I call back again for this problem if you fix it right to begin with?

FIRST TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Well-

CYBERYENTA
Listen, sonny, you sound like a nice boy, but no phone call in the world can solve my problem. Only a piece of ice can solve my problem. So, it has to cost me two hundred and forty-five dollars to get my ice, schoen, I'll pay it. Now, can you send me my ice?

FIRST TECH SUPPORT PERSON
I'll transfer you to an ice support specialist. One moment.

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Hello, this is Cindy. How can I help you?

CYBERYENTA
Hello there Cindala. I got food spoiling. I need a new piece of ice.

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
I see. Can you tell me which version of MicrosoftIce you’re using?

CYBERYENTA
Which ice? Ice that's cold and wet, that's which ice.

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
I understand, but as of MicosoftIce Version 3.51 all our ice now includes the cold and wet features. Can you check on the underside of the ice and read me the serial number?

CYBERYENTA
What underside? I told you the ice is mostly gone now. The underside went first.

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Ma'am, I just need to be sure your ice is either MicrosoftIce or a compatible brand so that I can help troubleshoot your problem.

CYBERYENTA
Darling, my problem is my food is going bad every minute I spend on the phone with you. All you have to do is send someone out here with a new piece of ice and my whole problem is solved!

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
I'd like to help, but we don't offer on-site support. If you'd like I can give you the names of MicrosoftIce Certified Engineers in your area. I'm sure one of them will be happy to make an on-site call.

CYBERYENTA
So why am I paying you two hundred and forty-five dollars if you're telling me I need someone else to fix the problem?

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Ma'am, I can try to help you, but without the serial number or some other identification of the ice, I can't promise anything.

CYBERYENTA
Okay, okay. At least give it a try.

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Well, what seems to be the problem?

CYBERYENTA
Sweetheart you didn’t hear the first ten times? My food is going bad.

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
And what makes you think the problem is the ice?

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Ma'am? Are you there?

CYBERYENTA
Yeah, yeah. If not the ice, then what?

SECOND TECH SUPPORT PERSON
Well, according to the specifications of the ice, if it is our ice you are using, then the problem is: you aren't eating your food quickly enough.

All I ask is that you think about it.

Shalom and we'll talk again soon,
CyberYenta